In Loving Memory of SAM

"Sad" is not the appropriate word to describe what I feel now.

Last Saturday (June 19), I left Sam at my apartment when I went to Batangas. I was worried of leaving her alone, but since she survived when I left her during Stan's Division Outing I decided to leave her again. We were back Sunday afternoon and like her usual self, she was waiting for me at the doorstep. I just noticed one thing, she did not touch her food.

Monday morning before I go to work, she was still playful. But when I arrived in the evening, she was already quiet and just sitting in her bed. She doesn't even touched her food for that day. I was worried so I asked Stan to check on her and if we should bring her to the vet.

Tuesday morning before I go to work, Stan and I brought Sam to the vet. There was blood in her poop that made me worried even more. The vet told us that she'll be confined and will be under observation. Initial findings were fever (40C), cough and colds.

Wednesday afternoon, we visited her again hoping that we could take her home. The vet advised for her to stay for the night for more observation as he is suspicious that Sam had Leptospirosis. (Damn those rats in the laundry area from my neighbor!!!) So I just gave my babySam a hug then we left.

Thursday morning, I asked Stan if he could get Sam in the afternoon. So when I arrived home, Sam was home already. She walked towards me, but not that playful as before. I carried her, gave her dextrose thru the syringe and arranged her bed. My heart was broken upon seeing her yellowish body. Her tummy is bloated because she couldn't pee.

Friday and Saturday, we took care of her. Stan gave her the medicines and I let her drink the dextrose through the syringe. Her tummy is not bloated anymore since she was able to pee because of the given medicine. She's moving fast as well. I thought it was a sign that she'll be better.

Yesterday (Sunday, June 27), Stan and I went to church then have a meeting with our wedding officiant. We arrived home around 4PM. I noticed that Sam is weak again but I thought it was because she wasn't able to eat for hours since I am out. I immediately gave her some dextrose. She was able to gain back the little strength she has and walk around the house. After an hour, I gave her again some dextrose and we both fell asleep for some minutes. When I woke up, I placed her in her bed but she decided to sleep on the floor beside the sofa where she usually stays when I'm watching TV. Then I went to sleep.

This morning, I woke up early to feed and give medicines to baby Sam. I was so happy because I noticed that her ears are white already (she's been yellowish for days!). I was calling her name for the medicines but she's not moving from the foot of the sofa, her eyes opened staring at nothing. I called her again, but still she didn't move. I came close to her to pick her up but her body is already cold and stiff. I was left dumbfounded. I was hoping what I'm seeing is not real. I was hoping I'm just dreaming, but I'm not.

I lost my baby Sam this morning. I lost my first baby as I really treated her special. I'll miss my kulitan times with her. I'll miss her playfulness everytime I'll open the door when I arrived home from work. I'll miss her lambing when I'm watching the TV. I'll miss carrying her, sitting on my lap and sleeping together in the couch. I'll miss the times that she will stole some of my food in the table and I will ran after her. I'll miss cleaning her mess - the papers scattered on the floor, her pee and poop at the laundry area. I'll miss everything about her.

To you my baby Sam, mommy Fei and daddy Stan will forever love and remember you. You will always be our first baby. We love you so much and we miss you terribly.

I love you baby....

Baby Samantha (December 31, 2009 to June 28, 2010)

During our Prenup Pictorial

Mommy Fei, Baby Sam and Daddy Stan

150 days to go

We're down to the last 150days before the big day. Stan and I were thankful because we're almost done with all the bookings of our "must-have" suppliers. Aside from that, I am really happy and thankful because with the modest budget we have for the wedding, we were still able to get some nice-to-haves booked. God has really been faithful to both of us.

We officially started our preparations July 19, 2009. Now, allow me to present our accomplishments.

     Church: free of charge, will just give love offering on our wedding day
     Officiating Minister: free of charge, will just give love offering on our wedding day

     Reception Venue: dp paid, balance to be settled on October

     Preps Venue: part of the reception venue package
     Coordinator: 50% paid (reminder: need to deposit payment now!!!)
     Caterer: dp paid, 50% of the balance neatly stacked in an envelope for August payment
     Cake: included in caterer's package

     Main Photographer: dp paid
     Photo and Video: dp paid, 50% of the balance neatly stacked in an envelope for August payment

     Bridal Gown Couturier: dp paid, 50% of the balance neatly stacked in an envelope for July payment

     Bridal Shoes: paid, i currently have 3pairs to choose from (hahaha)

     Bridal Accessories: will use the jewelries given by my mom

     Unity Candles and Matches: c/o Couturier

     Unity Coins: mom's coin collection 

     Groom's Attire: dp paid, 50% of the balance neatly stacked in an envelope for July payment

     Wedding Rings: 80% paid, balance to be settled in August

     Entourage Florist: payment will be on August as advised by florist

     Church Florist: payment will be on August as advised by florist

     Hair and Make-Up Artist: dp paid
     Invitations: 50% paid, remaining balance already stacked in an envelope and to be paid upon pickup
     Church and Reception Band: free of charge, will just give tip on wedding day
     Host: included in caterer's package
     Souvenir: mom and H2B's labor of love

     Bridal Car: dp paid

     Photo Booth: dp paid

     Principal Sponsors' Gift: 50% paid 

     Documents - already requested for Birth Certificate and Cenomar. Marriage license around September

Below are some minor items that we are currently working on:

     Groom's Shoes: Stan already bought a pair of shoes but still undecided if he'll get another one
     Groom's Accessories: looking for belt, handkerchief, new perfume, new frame for his eyeglasses and still deciding if he'll use his current watch or buy a new one

     Butterfly Wings: already checked out some samples, will buy around October

     Mom's Gown - our (Stan and I) moms volunteered to pay for their gowns, but they asked us to choose the design for them. I already presented several designs to my mom, but she kept on changing her mind everytime she sees a new design.

     Entourage Gowns - all my sisters will pay for their gowns. Couturier found, just need to finalize design

     Engagement Party - scheduled on August, but haven't started with the preparations

     Reception Program - draft done, will discuss with emcee

     DIYs - almost done, need to print the reception paraphernalias

     Guest List - never ending revision! hahaha

Here are some nice-to-haves (ranked based on priorities) that we are assessing if budget still permits:

     Fireworks and Confetti

     Butterflies

     Cake - cake is included in our caterer's package but being the super-arte me (hahaha), I want to get a separate cake supplier

     Hotel Preps Venue - though the place included in our reception venue package is good, I am not comfortable waking up and traveling early in the morning just for me to dress up in that place. I also would want to have this "staircase shot" (arte talaga hehehe)

     Mobile Bar or Coffee Bar - either of the two, much better if both :-)

     SDE only package - I am eyeing on this videographer from the start but we decided to get a photo-video package from another supplier to save money.

With few days left before the big day, I need to double the effort to finish everything. 

I am really blessed because my hubby-to-be is ever supportive, and we have a big God who fills all our needs.