♥ Our Life After the Fairy Tale ♥: In Loving Memory of SAM

"Sad" is not the appropriate word to describe what I feel now.

Last Saturday (June 19), I left Sam at my apartment when I went to Batangas. I was worried of leaving her alone, but since she survived when I left her during Stan's Division Outing I decided to leave her again. We were back Sunday afternoon and like her usual self, she was waiting for me at the doorstep. I just noticed one thing, she did not touch her food.

Monday morning before I go to work, she was still playful. But when I arrived in the evening, she was already quiet and just sitting in her bed. She doesn't even touched her food for that day. I was worried so I asked Stan to check on her and if we should bring her to the vet.

Tuesday morning before I go to work, Stan and I brought Sam to the vet. There was blood in her poop that made me worried even more. The vet told us that she'll be confined and will be under observation. Initial findings were fever (40C), cough and colds.

Wednesday afternoon, we visited her again hoping that we could take her home. The vet advised for her to stay for the night for more observation as he is suspicious that Sam had Leptospirosis. (Damn those rats in the laundry area from my neighbor!!!) So I just gave my babySam a hug then we left.

Thursday morning, I asked Stan if he could get Sam in the afternoon. So when I arrived home, Sam was home already. She walked towards me, but not that playful as before. I carried her, gave her dextrose thru the syringe and arranged her bed. My heart was broken upon seeing her yellowish body. Her tummy is bloated because she couldn't pee.

Friday and Saturday, we took care of her. Stan gave her the medicines and I let her drink the dextrose through the syringe. Her tummy is not bloated anymore since she was able to pee because of the given medicine. She's moving fast as well. I thought it was a sign that she'll be better.

Yesterday (Sunday, June 27), Stan and I went to church then have a meeting with our wedding officiant. We arrived home around 4PM. I noticed that Sam is weak again but I thought it was because she wasn't able to eat for hours since I am out. I immediately gave her some dextrose. She was able to gain back the little strength she has and walk around the house. After an hour, I gave her again some dextrose and we both fell asleep for some minutes. When I woke up, I placed her in her bed but she decided to sleep on the floor beside the sofa where she usually stays when I'm watching TV. Then I went to sleep.

This morning, I woke up early to feed and give medicines to baby Sam. I was so happy because I noticed that her ears are white already (she's been yellowish for days!). I was calling her name for the medicines but she's not moving from the foot of the sofa, her eyes opened staring at nothing. I called her again, but still she didn't move. I came close to her to pick her up but her body is already cold and stiff. I was left dumbfounded. I was hoping what I'm seeing is not real. I was hoping I'm just dreaming, but I'm not.

I lost my baby Sam this morning. I lost my first baby as I really treated her special. I'll miss my kulitan times with her. I'll miss her playfulness everytime I'll open the door when I arrived home from work. I'll miss her lambing when I'm watching the TV. I'll miss carrying her, sitting on my lap and sleeping together in the couch. I'll miss the times that she will stole some of my food in the table and I will ran after her. I'll miss cleaning her mess - the papers scattered on the floor, her pee and poop at the laundry area. I'll miss everything about her.

To you my baby Sam, mommy Fei and daddy Stan will forever love and remember you. You will always be our first baby. We love you so much and we miss you terribly.

I love you baby....